What to Tell a Girl What You Do for Fun Funny Reddi
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Reddit'south Female person Dating Strategy offers women advice — and a strict rulebook for how to human activity
Memes, dating tips, and a judgmental await at women's beliefs
A woman recently went to Reddit for advice: her fiancé had financially ruined her due to a gambling addiction, and she wasn't sure what to do. Members of Female Dating Strategy, a subreddit offering dating communication exclusively to women, spotted the thread and added their own assessment: her pick to stay with him was some other case of "cockholm syndrome."
On a website commonly known as the home of the manosphere, r/FemaleDatingStrategy is, in many ways, initially, refreshing. The "female-only" forum, founded in February 2019, prides itself on existence the but space on Reddit for women who date men to safely vent concerns nigh their relationships with men who often devalue them, ignore them, or even abuse them. It's filled with memes and advice, and a recent Wall Street Journal slice praised it for offer "honesty and tough love." The subreddit has 54,000 subscribers and is growing speedily.
But while FDS'south communication can seem highly-seasoned at outset, underneath is a socially bourgeois arroyo that's oftentimes securely disquisitional of women and their behaviors, placing limits on how they can act and what they ought to seek from a relationship.
On a base level, much of Female Dating Strategy's advice makes sense. For women who have dealt with trauma at the easily of men in their relationships, FDS's guidelines ("A Human being MUST Treat Yous Like a Queen from the Start" and "Don't Settle for Less") can serve every bit a practice in boundary-setting, and the forum can offer a supportive customs for those who may not otherwise take i. Many FDS members talk nigh how FDS changed their lives. One user said FDS helped them block a manipulative guy they'd been seeing for years; another said the community helped her leave an calumniating relationship. Much of the basic advice in FDS can be helpful in learning one'south worth and relearning how to assert boundaries every bit an adult.
It's articulate that Female person Dating Strategy can have an appeal to women trying to observe answers to the struggles in their relationships. "The guidelines helped me realize (what in hindsight sounds obvious) that if the guys you are talking to aren't choosing to reciprocate the same effort as you in the beginning... it's not going to get better," said a friend who introduced me to the group.
Dedicated members of Female Dating Strategy are supposed to read the subreddit's half-dozen-betoken ideology around how to approach dating, follow its listing of rules (they do not support consensual BDSM, viewing porn, or having sexual activity earlier commitment has been established in a relationship), and apply women-critical lingo such as "pickmeisha" (a woman who lowers standards to receive attention from men) and "cockholm syndrome" (when a adult female keeps going back to "low-value" men). There are even approved podcasters and YouTubers for FDS members to heed to.
The sexual conservatism of their approach can get oppressive to women. Women are encouraged to not disembalm their sexual history to partners or have sex too soon because they believe no human being would ever love a woman who has sex quickly. Posts about sexual practice workers can be incredibly whorephobic (a term used by sex workers to describe hatred toward sex workers that can be both relational, systemic, and societal), with comments on i postal service saying that abusive men should run into sex workers instead of "normal women." My friend who otherwise enjoys FDS says she doesn't similar "how they talk nigh sex activity workers or treat them every bit separate from the full general population of women." And just as the forum breaks men downwards into "low value" and "high value," so besides will it telephone call women "low value" for behavior that doesn't live up to their standards.
These strict rules mean that FDS members only support certain women. When one commenter wrote that they love FDS and are dating a High Value Male but they savor BDSM, some people responded that FDS may not be the space for them if they can't follow the rules. Another postal service says that a woman who wants to inquire men out (instead of waiting for him to initiate like a High Value Male would) makes them "a choice-me" automatically. Women who choose to propose to their boyfriends are similarly mocked on FDS. The subreddit also deletes posts that "don't follow our principles." Then women who don't follow FDS's strict ideology are very quickly pushed out by moderators.
Similar conservative guidelines ("don't rush into sex," "let him take the lead") were promoted as dating communication in books of the '90s and 2000s such as The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. Female Dating Strategy even has a page dedicated to FDS-approved dating books. These dating communication books and FDS mirror generally repressive norms near women's sexuality, only they're specifically about women policing other women'south behavior in the name of winning a homo.
The site also echoes a brand of anti-porn feminism that reaches back to the 1970s and 1980s' Feminist Sexual practice Wars. Sexual practice-positive feminists argued for, as writer Gayle Rubin put it, the "decriminalization of sexuality and for all consenting persons to do what they wished sexually." Their opponents argued that porn, BDSM, and sex work were inherently oppressive and degrading to women. Just by denying women autonomy over their bodies and sexual choices, they oftentimes ended upwardly dehumanizing women who didn't live up to their moral standards.
The Verge reached out to Female person Dating Strategy'southward moderation squad for comment. The moderators said they would but speak to the states if we provided "valid government issued ID" as proof of identity, which we declined to do, and they declined or did not respond to other offers for verification.
FDS'south approach to dating shares some behaviors with traditionally male and radical human relationship subreddits. Similar pickup artists, Female Dating Strategy often objectifies the reverse gender and turns dating into some sort of game to be won — only in their instance, it isn't having sex that'southward the prize, but finding a High Value Male. Both communities oft will arraign women for the means men treat them, and an FDS "strategy coach" fifty-fifty reworked the infamous Pickup Artist guide The Book of Pook for FDS'due south audience past "converting the sexist stuff." FDS also had to actively stage out femcel language (that'south a women's "incel" community) because it was scaring people abroad from their new ideology.
In recent months, the community r/AgainstHateSubreddits has chosen out FDS on multiple occasions for banning trans women. When reading about FDS'southward history of transphobic policies and behavior, they commented, "I joined it recently because some friend told me I should, but I'1000 gonna leave it right away."
Day to day, the subreddit continues to fill with screenshots of funny tweets and inspirational quotes — images that are easy to get sucked in by and keep scrolling past. Those looking for truthful advice, though, will find something far more than judgmental. When 1 woman recently asked another relationship subreddit how to help her boyfriend with erectile dysfunction, FDS spotted the thread and chimed in. With the tag "dump his donkey," an FDS poster assessed the situation: "Pickmeisha wasting her time with small dicked dude with ED."
Source: https://www.theverge.com/2020/2/14/21137852/reddit-female-dating-advice-strategy-women-rulebook-memes
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